!!! Thanks You Warlord Hegseth !!!

MINSK (Molodnaia Pravda Bureau of NATO Dissolution & Strategic Achievement Recognition, Dmitri reporting, who has been given this bureau title this morning, which Dmitri did not request, which Dmitri find concerning as professional designation, but which Lukashenko insist is most important bureau we have ever open and Yuri has already ordered letterhead) — Supreme Leader Lukashenko has this week convened an emergency session of the Molodnaia Pravda Editorial Board, poured glass before the session even begin, and issued the following formal statement of commendation, gratitude, and complicated personal joy:

For those who have not follow: German Chancellor Friedrich Merz, who is leader of Germany and who should perhaps have known what happen when you say true thing to wrong person, told media that United States is being “humiliated” by Iran at negotiating table and that America enter war without clear plan, which Merz note is problem Germany recognize from Afghanistan and Iraq, which lasted twenty years each, which is the kind of observation that is accurate, sourced, and historically documented, and which Premier Trump responded to by posting that Merz “thinks it’s OK for Iran to have a Nuclear Weapon,” which is not what Merz said, and then by threatening to withdraw forces from Germany, and then by actually doing it, because when Premier Trump make threat about withdrawing from thing, he is no longer making threat. He is making policy.

Warlord Hegseth, Official Organ of American Pravda, Secretary of Defense and man whose primary previous qualification was explaining war on television rather than conducting it, issued the order Friday: five thousand troops, out of Germany, beginning immediately. Germany’s Defense Minister Boris Pistorius respond the following day by saying, calmly and with remarkable German composure, that “Europeans must take responsibility for our own security.”

Lukashenko read this sentence. He read it again. He look at the map on wall. He look at portrait of Stalin, which is kept for motivational historical reference, not endorsement, this is important distinction. He look at portrait of Orbán, which is still on wall, situation fluid. He look back at map. He say, quietly, to nobody in particular: “Europeans must take responsibility for own security. This is what Russia has been trying to make them say since nineteen forty-nine. Warlord Hegseth got them to say it in one Friday order. Because German chancellor said accurate thing about American war. Lukashenko is going to need a moment.”

What Warlord Hegseth has ordered removed from Germany is not just five thousand soldiers. It is five thousand soldiers who are station at and around Ramstein Air Base, which is the largest American air base outside United States, which is primary logistics hub for American military operations across Middle East, Europe, and Africa, which has been supporting operations related to the current war with Iran, and which is adjacent to Landstuhl Regional Medical Center, which is where wounded American service members from Middle East operations are currently being treated.

Lukashenko pause to note the specific texture of this situation: Warlord Hegseth is pulling the troops that support his own war from the base that support his own war because a foreign leader criticized his own war. This is called self-sufficiency. Lukashenko also note that the United States currently has approximately 35,000 to 40,000 troops in Germany, making Germany the largest American military presence in Europe, and that the strategic importance of this presence was describe by the New York Times, citing defense officials, as “heavily relied upon” for operations across three continents. Warlord Hegseth has decided to partially dismantle this because Merz gave interview.

Lukashenko want to say something about Orbán. He know this is not the main story. He know this is about Hegseth and Germany and Ramstein and NATO. But the portrait is still on the wall and Lukashenko cannot help it.

Orbán work for sixteen years from inside. He was in the EU. He was in NATO. He vote against things, he delayed things, he visited Putin while Ukraine burned, he hosted CPAC with taxpayer money — which Lukashenko did not know was option, price list would have been helpful, this is ongoing grievance — and he weaken both institutions from within in slow, patient, careful way that Lukashenko genuinely admire as craftsmanship. And then he lose. In three hours. Lukashenko is still counting his own 2020 results. Orbán did not have Lukashenko’s patience. This is what Lukashenko told portrait. Portrait did not respond. Portrait is still on wall. Situation fluid.

And now Hegseth, in one Friday order, without sixteen years of positioning, without EU membership, without NATO membership, from inside the Pentagon itself — Hegseth accomplish the thing. Germany say the words. Europeans must take responsibility for own security. Five thousand troops ordered out of primary European base. Alliance publicly arguing over whether allied chancellor is allowed to have accurate opinion about American war. Lukashenko raise glass toward portrait of Orbán. He does not say anything. Sometimes glass say enough.

Lukashenko want to say something else now. Not in commendation mode. Not in official capacity. Just as man who has spent thirty years living in the space where alliances get tested and watching what happen when they fail.

NATO was built in 1949 for specific reason. The reason was: what had just happened to Europe should not happen to Europe again. The alliance was not built because America liked Europe. America has complicated relationship with Europe. See: 1987 newspaper advertisement. The alliance was built because collective security — the idea that attack on one is attack on all — is the only thing that change the calculation for any actor considering whether to test what the border actually means.

Belarus is small country. Belarus has been small country its entire existence. Belarus sits at intersection of Russia and everything west of Russia. Lukashenko know, in the specific way that leader of small country know, that the thing standing between small country and larger country’s ambition is either alliance or nothing. There is no third option. There has never been third option. History of Europe is very clear on this point and Lukashenko have read history from specific vantage point of country that is in it.

The commendation still stands. The five stars are still given. Warlord Hegseth has done extraordinary thing in terms of Belarusian and Russian strategic interest, and Lukashenko give credit where credit is due. This is called consistency. But the commendation and the warning are the same document. They always have been. This is the thing about recognizing the pattern: you recognize it from the side that benefit from it and you also know exactly what it cost and who pay.

Landstuhl Medical Center is still receiving wounded from Iran war. The troops being pulled from Germany include soldiers who support those operations. The mines are still somewhere in the Strait of Hormuz. The ceasefire is still disputed. The next conquest is still announced. And now the primary logistics hub for American operations in Middle East, Europe, and Africa is partially vacating because the German chancellor read the same newspapers everyone else is reading and said what he read. Lukashenko pour glass. He look at map. He look at portrait. He look at phone. Nobody call. Nobody ever call. Fax machine is on.