In what experts are calling “a new low bar that somehow keeps getting lower,” Ohio Republican Representative Dave Taylor held a press conference Wednesday to apologize for being caught with a framed swastika in his office — a decoration he insists was “a misunderstood conversation piece” and “not at all what it looks like, unless it looks bad, in which case it’s a prank.”
“I Thought It Was Decorative Geometry”
“I’m just a big fan of retro shapes,” said Taylor, nervously sipping from a mug that read Mein Brew. “Honestly, I thought it was one of those yoga symbols. The feng shui in here has been off ever since the ethics committee showed up.”
Asked if he understood the symbol’s association with hate groups, Taylor deflected: “Look, history is complicated. When you buy antiques on Facebook Marketplace, sometimes history just shows up unannounced.”
The Dianetics Angle
Following reports that Taylor was distributing Scientology literature in his district marked “Free with any political donation over $20,” the congressman promised to “keep the literature strictly spiritual from now on.”
“From this day forward,” he declared, “I’ll only sneak my historical curiosities and L. Ron Hubbard books in through the back door. Like a true patriot.”
Staffers Offer Their Own Theories
One aide, who spoke on condition of anonymity, suggested Taylor may have thought the swastika was “a solar panel diagram.” Another said he’d been using it as a “motivational reminder to do better than 1940s Germany.”
When asked if he planned to resign, Taylor shook his head. “No, no. I’ll be leading a new task force on cultural misunderstanding and antique curation. It’s time we turn this embarrassment into a working group.”
