A Sarcastic Tour of Trump’s Price Tag Wonderland

Thank you all for joining this totally-not-elitist shopping spree through the Trump merch universe, where wallets go to cry and status goes to strut.

1. “Pocket Change” Novelties (Under $100)

• Trump-branded tie: $49.95
  Because nothing says “casual billionaire” like a $50 slip of silk three sizes too big.
• “Success” cologne: $14–$20
  Smell like fake confidence on a budget.
• Trump Steaks gift set: $120
  Premium meat—so premium that half of it might never arrive.

2. “Casual Flex” Essentials ($100–$1,000)

• Trump Home throw pillow: $65
  For when you want to rest your head on a cushion that cost more than your lunch.
• Trump Home bedside lamp: $250
  Light up your reading nook with walls of debt.
• Trump National Golf green fee: $200–$400
  Because why just play golf when you can pay for the promise of a view?

3. “I’m Kind of a Big Deal” Memberships (Thousands)

• Mar-a-Lago initiation fee: $200,000
  One-time ticket to rub elbows with exactly zero tabloids.
• Mar-a-Lago annual dues: $14,000
  Renew your subscription to endless photos in the club newsletter.
• Defunct Trump University seminar: $1,500–$35,000
  Learn from the best… or at least from someone who’s mastered filing lawsuits.

4. “Worth Every Penny” Real-Estate Splurges (Millions)

• Trump Tower NYC condo: starting at $3 million
  If your apartment doesn’t cost a small island, are you even winning?
• Trump International Hotel Washington, D.C. suite: $3,500/night
  Because sleeping near the White House should feel like foreclosure.
• Palm Beach waterfront mansion: $10 million+
  Your own beachfront castle—complete with complimentary hurricane anxiety.

In a nutshell, whether you’re after a $15 cologne spritz or a $15 million penthouse view, the Trump brand ensures your credit card knows its place: deeply submerged. Enjoy your purchase—and don’t forget to add a zero or two!