Chickenhawks 2025: Fox and Friends Edition

Ready to do your patriotic duty? Enlist your family to fight in Iran—because someone’s got to protect freedom, and it sure as hell isn’t going to be me! Why risk my own neck when your kids can handle it? Sign them up today, so I can stay home, binge reality TV, and tweet about how brave I am from the comfort of my couch. Remember: real heroes send other people’s families to war!