Black Rain, Bomb Flash Sale and Tariff Tantrums: Trump’s Iran War Meets Noem’s Rainbow Bridge Exit

Trump’s Iran war enters week two with black rain over Tehran, tariffs weaponized against half the planet, and Kristi Noem’s ghost still haunting DHS from the political Rainbow Bridge. The Daily Schtick for 9 March is here.

Iran: Black Rain and Denials

U.S.–Israeli strikes on Iran have wrecked thousands of civilian buildings, including homes, hospitals and nearly three dozen medical facilities. New video shows a U.S. missile hitting a girls’ school in Minab, killing 175 people—mostly children—even as Trump and Pete “Whiskey Leaks” Hegseth insist it was an Iranian own‑goal.

Iran keeps firing missiles and one‑way drones at Israel and U.S. bases across the region, blowing up radar and air‑defense systems in Qatar, the UAE, Jordan, Bahrain, Kuwait and Saudi Arabia. Gulf monarchies are suddenly discovering that hosting American troops also means hosting incoming Iranian hardware, from oil refineries on fire to desalination plants taking shrapnel in a region where 100 million people drink factory sea‑water.

Emergency Bomb Sale: Democracy, Bypassed

Back in Washington, the State Department has declared the Iran war an “emergency,” letting Trump skip Congress to rush more than 20,000 bombs worth about 660 million dollars to Israel. Lawmakers who swear they care about “oversight” now get to watch from the cheap seats while the executive branches out into direct‑to‑consumer arms drops.

House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries, asked whether Democrats would block more Pentagon cash for this choose‑your‑own‑apocalypse, responded with the legislative equivalent of “we’ll see.” Translation: the war machine is on autopilot, and Congress is the person in the passenger seat pretending their invisible brake pedal does something.

Tariffs: War by Wallet

The bombs are backed up by a new economic holy war: Trump has ordered tariffs of up to 25 percent on any country “doing business” with Iran. In practice that points a financial gun at China, the UAE, Turkey, India and most of the remaining trade partners keeping Iran’s economy on life support.

The White House hasn’t bothered to define what counts as “doing business,” but the executive order instructs the bureaucracy to slap extra duties on imports that touch Iran anywhere in their supply chain. So if your toaster knows a guy whose cousin once shipped petrochemicals through Bandar Abbas, congratulations: it just got 25 percent more patriotic at checkout.

Noem Out, Mullin In: Same Movie, Different Hat

Amid the fireworks, the cabinet shuffle continues. Trump’s firing of DHS secretary Kristi Noem is now official, with Oklahoma Senator Markwayne Mullin tapped as her replacement. Noem’s fall from “VP material” to “good riddance, she was a disaster” came after deportation abuses, botched disaster management, two citizens shot by immigration agents, and a drip of scandal about a senior aide.

Mullin, a loyal MAGA vote, still needs Senate confirmation, but nobody expects him to slow the deportation blitz she helped build. The script is simple: blame Noem for everything messy, keep every policy she championed, and claim it’s a “new start” because the poster now features a different Republican with a different ranch‑adjacent backstory.

Today’s Schtick

So 9 March brings toxic black rain over Tehran, a U.S. missile caught on video demolishing a girls’ school that the president swears Iran bombed itself, an “emergency” bomb sale that treats Congress like a spam folder, 25 percent tariffs on anyone still trading with Tehran, and a DHS sequel where the Noem dog‑shooting chapter closes and the Mullin chapter opens on the same deportation machine. The Daily Schtick: World News, Our Style—because if they’re going to run the apocalypse as content, someone has to recap the season.